Dealing with Loss at Christmas

Loss at any time of the year is painful.

Loss during what is supposed to be a joyful season seems even worse.

Whether it is actually worse is not easy to determine. Maybe it is because our expectations of this time of year are so high, that this blow seems much worse than at other times in our lives. Whatever the reason, the loss is real, and unfortunately it will be tied with the remembrance of the holiday for years to come.

Without going into detail, I'll just share that some young people in my town lost their lives today. I ask that you pray for the families and friends: God knows exactly who they are and will comfort them in ways that we could never understand.

When faced with things like this, it can be difficult to also have a focus on Jesus, the "Reason for the Season" as all those bumper stickers call him.

However, I believe that is exactly what we must do, especially during times such as this.

Jesus is the reason we have salvation. If they believed, then Jesus is the reason we will one day again see our friends or family in heaven. Jesus is the one to bring us into fellowship with God. Jesus sent us the Holy Spirit, to live and dwell in us and comfort us in only ways that he can.

Jesus is with us, not to tell us not to worry or not to cry, but to hold us while we do so, and offer us the hope of a life beyond this everyday existence that we have now.

I pray for each of you reading this that you never have to know what it is like to lose someone during this season, however the odds of that over a lifetime are slim to none. If or when it happens, just remember who to put your hope and trust in.

Cry out to Jesus.

My Bright Side

"Thank you Lord, for the day you have given us today. For all of the gifts you have given us, not the least of which is the life we have on this earth, and the eternal life we will have with you when this earthly life is over. Thank you for all of your blessings, for taking care of us, and for working all things out for Your glory. Amen."

Ah, but life should be so easy.

I say that prayer almost every day. And I mean it, I mean it with all that is inside of me. But sometimes it is much easier to say than others. Right now for instance- my husband has no job, I work part time, and we are almost 3 hours away from our family.

But God wants us to dwell on what we have, not what we do not have. The things he provides for us, sometimes even in spite of ourselves, because there can be no way we deserve it.

Here is my bright side: so far, all of our health is good, we managed to save some money over the last few months to cushion this blow, I DO have a part time job (much better than none!), the wonderful friends that I have made at work, and I have my loving family, not to mention my loving God. No matter how bad things are, we have a roof over our head, food to eat, and clothes to wear. Shelter, food, transportation, and the hope of an eternity with God. When I can focus on these, what trivial earthly matters can bother me?

Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

Being Lazarus

We all have things that happen to us in our lives that we do not like. They can come in various shapes and forms, from something as small as a car that will not start and makes us late, so something as serious as a life threatening disease or death of a loved one. Or something more in the middle, like a virus that just knocks us off of our feet for a bit.

Did I mention that Bug has a tummy virus? No? Well, she does.

But that is not really what today's blog is about. This pertains more toward the more serious things that can happen to us or those we love. Sickness. Loss of job. Losing your home. Death.

So I bring you a familiar passage, but maybe we can shed a little different light on it and have you think about things from a different perspective.

These are a few excerpts from the Bible, from the story of Lazarus. The whole story is in John 11:1 through John 12:11 if you would like to read it. All scripture quoted below is from the NIV translation.

John 11:4 When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days.

John 11:14 So then he told them plainly, "Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him."

John 11:25 Jesus said to her (Martha), "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

John 11: 40, 43-44 Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go."

John 11:45 Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, put their faith in him.

John 12: 9-11 Meanwhile a large crowd of Jews found out that Jesus was there and came, not only because of him but also to see Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. So the chief priests made plans to kill Lazarus as well, for on account of him many of the Jews were going over to Jesus and putting their faith in him.

I know we have probably all heard this story before. As a side note, if you have not, you should really check it out. I remember mainly thinking of this story in terms of what Jesus did for Lazarus and for his sisters. He gave Lazarus another shot at life, and he gave his sisters their brother back. Wouldn't that be amazing? To be mourning the loss of your loved one, and have them be able to come back and have a second chance! Or even more so, to have your days on earth done and be given a second chance by the Son of God himself to accomplish even more for his kingdom. How wonderful a gift!

However, if you read all the verses you might be able to tell that is not my focus this time. Jesus tried to tell the disciples, and us, the reason that Lazarus got sick and eventually died. Was it because Lazarus sinned, did something wrong, or was sick for no reason? No. Was it so that Jesus could give him and his family the wonderful gift of seeing him come back? No, although that was a nice side benefit for them.

No. God let it happen so that his Son Jesus would be glorified through it. As you read further, you will see that many people came to believe in Jesus because of this miracle and the walking testimony of Lazarus himself. So much so that when the priests started plotting to kill Jesus, they even discussed killing Lazarus because of all the people who believed because of him.

Bottom line is this. Sometimes when we go through trials and difficulties, especially when it seems things are as bad as they can get, we might be going through that very thing just so that God can be glorified. Not for us, not for our better good necessarily, but for the good of God. He will work all things out for His glory. Take comfort in your trials. God might be preparing miracle that you can give the testimony for and give all the glory to God. Sometimes to do that he has to take us to a place where there is no other hope or way out, except for him, just so that everyone will be able to see that God was the only way you could have gotten out of your trouble.

In God alone, through God alone, and for God alone

Praise be to God, that sometimes he lets us take part in his wonderful work to bring people back to him. We should all hope to be Lazarus someday. Not that we want to die, but so that we could be used for him.

Being Lazarus. A walking, talking testimony of the love of Jesus. Proof that what was once dead spiritually can now be alive. How wonderful!

Carrots vs Shells and Cheese

Bug hates vegetables. That is the 5 year old. Luckily so far the baby will eat anything that gets remotely close to her mouth and does not move. But Bug hates veggies. And she hates most fruit also. We have expanded her culinary horizon greatly compared to a year ago, but it is still like waging war to even mention what veggies are going to be on her plate at dinner time. She can have a plate full of shells and cheese - her absolute favorite - but all she sees and talks about and WHINES about are those few spoonfuls of carrots beside it that she must eat also. You would think I was making her go on a strict vegetarian diet with absolutely no chicken nuggets in sight to hear the way she acts when a few measly little veggies find their way onto her plate. It's like she doesn't even see the food she likes, she is too busy focusing on what she does NOT like.

As adults, I have noticed that we tend to act this same way about things in our life to our heavenly Father. He puts a few things in our path for us to go through to either grow, strengthen our character, or just to simply learn to rely on him instead of ourselves while we get through the mess. When these things happen we seem to instantly forget about all the great and wonderful things he has done and is continuing to do in our lives, and only see the horrible big bad obstacle that is now before us. Why are we so short sighted? We want our shells and cheese, but can't seem bear down and struggle through something we don't like long enough to eat our carrots.

Do you ever have one of those days? You know--you wake up late, all the shaving cream is gone, work is awful, the kids are in a bad mood, your spouse is having a bad day also, no one seems to care, you realize you forgot to mail a payment, you find out they are having layoffs at your work, and then the very last straw is when you burn dinner to a crisp! Ever have one of those days, or those weeks? The little things chip away at us slowly and if we do not notice and take action, when a big obstacle comes up it will tear a giant chunk of us off.

Lately a lot of things have been going on in the lives of people I know, and my personal life, that can bring on worry, doubt, and even discouragement. Fortunately, the new series our church is doing right now is on HOPE. This has been very timely for me! I am also reading a book Having a Mary heart in a Martha world, that speaks a lot about worry and discouragement.

What are we to do when it feels as if everything, and sometimes everyone, in our lives has turned against us? Should we lie down and give up, get mad and pitch a 2-year-old type tantrum, go shopping (sometimes even if we have no money), go out to eat and try to drown our problems in food? Or, worse yet, I have several people I know that just seem to "check out" of life when everything goes wrong. Their bodies are here, but their minds are not and they have no joy about anything, they just go through the motions of life.

Matthew 6:25 Therefore I tell you, stop being perpetually uneasy about your life (Amplified Bible)

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

God knows that things bad will happen in our lives. Jesus tells us that bad things WILL happen. He also tells us that we should not dwell on them. Not that we should not be concerned and do what we can, but in the end we are to realize that everything is from God. Therefore we should turn all things over to God and let him work them out and spend our time focusing on God, instead of focusing on our problems. Think through your difficulties, then prayerfully turn them and your thoughts over to God.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. (NIV)

When we spend all of our time dwelling on our problems we magnify them in our mind. Whatever we continually think about will be our perception of the world. God wants us to think constantly about the good things he has done and will do for us instead of any troubles we may be going through that will depress us. Remember, even if nothing else is going right: God sent his son to die for YOU. That is right - YOU. So that you may be redeemed. How could we let anything overshadow that simple truth?

In short, if all you see are carrots, then that is all you feel the world is. If you can hunker down long enough to eat the carrots, you can get on to the creamy shells and cheese of life.

So, eat your veggies. God wants you to have the cheese.

Attitudes and Leggos

First let me tell you what has happened today; yes, all of this just TODAY, then I will get on to what I had planned to write. Plans usually don't come to fruition with me very often.

I will start with the most serious and go from there.

1. The wife of a long distance family member was found dead this morning. It may not be very close in relationship, but anytime someone dies it is important and heartbreaking. To make it worse, it appears to have been suicide, although not all details are known.
2. My mother met with a surgeon today and is going to need surgery on her arm. She has been having problems for a YEAR and they just now figured out that her tendon is torn off of her rotator cuff. As bad as that sounds she is happy just to finally know what is wrong and that it can be fixed!
3. My lovable little urchins were all smiles today, until the older one had an attitude meltdown and the small one flushed her first Lego down the toilet. Yippee for me! Does she know it's a Holiday?

Like I said earlier, the first two notes are much more important, one sad, and one happy. So goes our lives. Always something to rejoice in, but at the same time something to cry over also. The last one is basically just a tribute to my state of mind as I write tonight.

I have found two bible verses: neither of them may be where I got my paraphrase "God won't give us what we can't handle", but in a way, both of them can be seen in that light.

II Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. (NIV)

In this verse I see several points, mostly about how we react when STUFF HAPPENS TO US.

• God's grace is sufficient. Doesn't this just sound like a nice neat little package to tell someone and hope they quit whining? But read the verse again, it is the truth. God is telling us that his power is made perfect in our weaknesses; and boy, do we ever have some weaknesses. I don't know about you, but God has a lot of room to be made perfect in me!
• We will have sufferings I know some people say if you love God enough or do all the right things you will not suffer. But it is just not so! God never tells us that we will not face tough times, what he tells us is that he will be with us and get us through them. We need not think God has abandoned us when things go wrong, instead, he will use that situation to glorify himself in ways we could never have imagined.

This is getting rather lengthy, so let me get to my next point. This verse is about OUR REACTION TO TEMPTATION. Let's face it, sometimes stuff happens to us because we first did something we knew we were not supposed to do. Blame it on the devil, the mailman, the mean person in traffic that cut you off, the kids for being horrible all day, the people at work for being total life draining maniacs, but when it comes down to it, we all have a choice.

I Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (NIV)

• Temptation is normal See, I told you so. Everyone has temptations. And unfortunately for us our tempter has been around long enough that he knows just how and when is the perfect time to tempt us. But do not feel alone or discouraged, for you are surely not alone.
• We will not be tempted beyond our control Ok, everyone who has ever failed at a temptation may argue this one, but there it is, in black and white (ok, blue and white). All of us have failed, we are all human, but if you look back at it, especially the BIG ones, there was a way out of it if we had just taken the harder road. Which comes to the next point...
• God will provide a way out God always provides a way out. The key is to stay in his word, to stay in him, so that we can recognize it. I have done some things before that I honestly felt I had no choice, only to look back now and clearly see that God had left an escape route open for me if I had chosen to make a run for it. If you are honest, you probably have too.

So what more for tonight, on this New Year's Eve (it is already the new year now where I am). Well, I'll do a backwards countdown of my top three at the beginning of the page, and lets try to find any bright spots that we can along the way. Although #1 will be very difficult.

#3 Well, I didn't hurt any of the girls for either the attitudes or the Lego in the potty. I thought that was doing rather good for me. Actually most of this happened when my hubby was watching them so I could cook supper. As a stay at home mom that is one of the few times I get without kids around my feet, although hearing what is going on without being able to intercept or handle things MY way is sometimes difficult. If you have a hubby that parents his way, and it doesn't exactly jive with your way, let me offer some advice. Let him do it his way. It's good for him and the kids and if you just interrupt him all the time he will stop "parenting" because of nagging and be one of those guys that only gets up from his spot in his chair to feed, sleep, or potty himself.

#2 I really must praise God that my mom may have finally found the answer she is looking for and hopefully some relief from the pain she has been in for over a year. But I must admit, I am skeptical. This is not the first time someone thought they found the reason and had the "cure". So until it is over and done with I just pray that this time it is right and almost over. I guess that is why doctors "practice" medicine.... I'm just tired of my mom feeling as if she is the guinea pig.

#1 How do you find something hopeful in the possible suicide of any other person? Well, it is not easy, that is for sure. I did not know her myself, so I don't know if she had her eternal affairs in order. I pray she did. The best I can come up with right now is to pray that during whatever service is held for her and her grieving family, that someone preaches the gospel and hopefully reaches some people that might not have been reached before. And maybe someone looking from the outside in, that thought suicide might be the answer to all of their problems, maybe that person will realize that it doesn't solve anything at all, it only hurts the ones that love you.

Rejoice in life, we will get to eternity soon enough.

Happy new year to you all, and I hope you all have many, many more.

Blessings vs. Patience

Blessings abound, Patience does not.

Do you wonder what that means?

Here's how I see it- It says in the Bible (not sure where, but I will find it before Friday!) that God will only give us what we can handle. Ok, so maybe that is a large jump at me paraphrasing it. But that is the way I've always heard it used in context.

This blog will be about me, my life, my crazy family (God love them all) and all of the "blessings" we have received. Many of them did not look like blessings in the beginning, and we have honestly wondered if God really thought that we were capable of handling such traumatic events, but always later, we can look back and see God's hand at work.

So blessings do abound.

But patience does not.

Did I mention that while we are in the throes of one of these "blessings" we tend to look everywhere and to everyone OTHER than God for suggestions, reasons, or even ways to make it all just stop? Patience is much easier in hindsight, or for that matter when you are talking to someone else about THEIR problem. It is not nearly as easily found when it is you or I going through the actual pain or problem, or anyone we care deeply for. (Many of these will be about my parents and in laws, to name a few)

I try to be my own voice of reason through these time. I try to say to myself, "come on, TinaLou, you know that last time God worked everything out, and 6 months later it all made sense!"

That is true. And on more than one occasion.

Ah, but getting through the six months? That felt like eternity itself, and it does every time.

Let it begin!